


flames burned in our hearts

by littlelionvanz



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, dumb boys talking about sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-24
Updated: 2014-06-24
Packaged: 2018-02-06 00:15:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1837351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelionvanz/pseuds/littlelionvanz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he and Ronan started, no one came out of the bushes to hand Adam a pamphlet on what it exactly meant to be in a sexual relationship with another boy. The dos-and-don’ts if you will.</p>
            </blockquote>





	flames burned in our hearts

**Author's Note:**

> basically adam's trying to figure out if he's a virgin or not. 
> 
> title from "we found each other in the dark" by city & colour

Initially it didn’t really matter, and Adam really didn’t give it much thought or care. It was as it was, and whatever _it_ was that was happening between him and Ronan Lynch, he was glad for it. But then the thought came to him once while he and Ronan were laying together. Adam had his wrist in his hands, gently picking the leather bands Ronan always wore. He didn't say it out loud, but it didn’t keep his mind from racing.

_Am I a virgin?_

Adam Parrish was new to the whole bisexuality thing. For a time, he easily lied to himself - _straight_ but not straight for Ronan. Granted after about the third or tenth time of being with Ronan, the word 'straight' started sounding like a facade, a shirt that didn’t really fit right anymore. He would have to make a note to google the different sexualities to see which category he fell into because right now everything was dead confusing. Blue said that there was a whole _spectrum_ besides 'hetero' and 'homo'. He knew the word _bisexual_ though, figured it fit best for the moment. But essentially, when he and Ronan started, no one came out of the bushes to hand Adam a pamphlet on what it exactly meant to be in a sexual relationship with another boy. The dos-and-don’ts if you will.

Being straight was a lot simpler, as far as the sex went. Penis went in vagina and that’s it. (Though he used to hear Aglionby boys talking about all the incredibly filthy things they’d do with and have public school girls do to them). But in general, the question of virginity was pretty straight forward. He and Ronan had done some things - maybe nothing _that_ terribly exciting, but it was exciting and new for them.

Were there two virginities? Straight virginity and gay virginity? Like he still hadn’t had sex with a girl, but he’d done _things_ with Ronan. So was he still a virgin in terms of the heterosexual spectrum, despite how Ronan dragged orgasms from him in that delightfully awful way? If that was the case, were all straight people at least half virgins if they’ve never had same sex? Okay this was getting fully ridiculous.

Adam's thought stream went like this: _You had to just have sex with another person right? Okay well what qualified as full sex between boys? Or between girls for that matter. Did you have to just be touched by another boy? Lets say you had to reach orgasm. Did it count if he just used his hand? Or did it have to be something more_ involved. Did getting blow jobs count? Because in that case, Adam was _definitely_ in the clear. But now what about Ronan; Adam hadn't done anything like that to him, so did that mean Adam was no longer a virgin and Ronan still was? (Assuming Ronan had told him the truth about having never done anything with another boy). This could not have been _that_ complicated.

Adam must not have realized how long he drifted off until Ronan nudged his side. “You alright over there?” They were laying side-by-side on Adam’s narrow twin mattress, sharing the flat pillow and a thin mesh blanket draped over their lower halves. It was the most comfortable Adam had been in a long while.

“Yeah, just thinking,” he said a bit too quiet.

“About?”

Adam shrugged, face starting to warm about even _thinking_ about having this conversation. “It’s stupid.”

“I doubt it.” Ronan rolled onto his side, the hand in Adam’s now laying flat against his chest, underneath Adam’s.

“You’re going to think it’s stupid,” Adam couldn’t look at him.

Ronan rolled his eyes, “Enough with the suspense, Parrish.”

Adam swallowed and willed himself brave enough to be brave in front of him. He turned side slightly, enough to wave his feet between Ronan’s legs. Their foreheads were almost touching.

“Are we virgins?”

He saw Ronan blink several times in rapid succession before he had to look away and his stomach started tightening.

“I...um..m … I… _what_?”

Adam was trying to think about how hilariously cute it was that for once he actually rendered Ronan speechless and flush-faced. But when he looked back, Ronan did look genuinely confused.

“Well I mean, we’ve fooled around and stuff but I wasn’t sure if constituted as like _full_ sex.” Saying it felt like swallowing knives.

Ronan perched himself on an elbow so that he was looking down at Adam.

“Are you saying I haven’t been doing my job right, Parrish?”

Adam sat up so that he was leaning against the headboard, bringing the blanket with him. No matter how many nights they found themselves laying like this, Adam still couldn't bring himself to be comfortably naked in front of Ronan, who wasn't ashamed in the slightest.

“It’s _not_ a big deal, Ronan, I’m just saying I’m still not really sure how this whole gay-sex thing works.”

Ronan moved up more, so that he was now sitting cross legged against the wall. “Well… do you _feel_ like a virgin still? Because the face you were making just a little while would make the nuns cry. And by the way we’re _fooling around_ in a _church_ so I think eternal damnation for like _defiling_ it or something should concern you more than whether or not you’re a virgin.”

For a moment Adam thought maybe Ronan was genuinely upset, but the way he brushed his toes against Adam’s bare thigh told him otherwise.

“Seems to me Lynch, that _you_ were the one doing the defiling so I might be safe in the eyes of our Lord.”

Ronan kicked him and wanted so badly to be mad but instead he couldn’t help but laugh. “Says the impoverished fucker who couldn’t _wait_ to get his hand down my pants.”

Adam started laughing too. “Says the prick who was almost _begging_ for it.”

Ronan kicked him again before folding his arms against his chest. There was a full moon, Adam realized, when the white glow against the black of the sky illuminated everything in the otherwise dark room. He could see perfectly the sharp lines of Ronan’s face, the muscle in his arms, the shadows of his collarbones. This didn’t feel like blasphemy. This felt really good.

It got quiet between them again before Ronan said quieter than Adam thought he could be, “So what? Do you want _full sex_?”

When he said it, not joking and totally serious, Adam realized he honestly hadn’t thought about it. Everything they had been doing, they got to it a step at a time. He didn’t ask questions, he just let every kiss, bite, touch, be a surprise. He found himself thinking about every first thing Ronan had done, so cautious and asking if it was okay. His heart ached every time if they were alright, if what they were doing was okay with Adam.

“I don’t know,” he answered truthfully. “Have you thought about it much?”

He couldn’t see Ronan’s pale skin turn red, but he knew it was. Ronan was looking down at his lap before shrugging. “I guess.”

It was oddly refreshing that they were both embarrassed but that he was willing to talk about it. But there was also a jolt in his stomach at knowing that Ronan thought about them having sex. “Do you think about like, how we.... _are_?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know like… top and bottom?”

“ _Oh_.” Ronan shifted a bit, his arms tightening against himself. “Fuck, sometimes, yeah.”

Adam couldn’t help but be curious. He brought a hand down, beneath the blanket, to rest it on Ronan’s ankle. “Okay so.. how do you picture us? When you picture us _together_ , what do we look like?”

The face that Ronan made when Adam asked him was almost enough to make something break in his chest. He looked ashamed.

“If you can’t say it, it's okay, Lynch. I'm just being dumb.”

Ronan looked away for a minute, trying to decide. “Move.”

He motioned forward, meaning for Adam to move off the mattress. Adam slung his legs over the side to kneel next to him on the floorboards, leaving the blanket. Only then realizing that he was still very naked. He kept his arms at his side when he realized Ronan wasn’t judging him - had _never_ judged him.

Ronan moved to where Adam had been laying; against the pillow but further down some. He pushed the blankets back some, perched his knees, and looked at Adam. It always leveled Adam when he did. As if he wasn't truly being  _seen_ until he was being seen by Ronan. It was always thrilling. Often times Adam questioned Ronan's integrity on the matter of their relationship. Doubted his attraction as a fleeting thing - but all Adam had to do was look at him like he wanted to devour Adam in the best way possible. To be an object of one's desire was something Adam never thought possible for himself, especially when that one was Ronan Lynch. _  
_

“Come here.” Something burst in Adam when he said it; his voice husky and low because there was no one else around to hear it. The voice that sent Adam ablaze because he'd only used that voice for _him_ and him _alone_.

Adam motioned too crawl back onto the mattress before him, hands on Ronan’s knees. They were still really fucking naked. His knees spread open a few inches to fit Adam between them. He was moving so slow, his breathing becoming shallow because this was happening.

Ronan folded his legs around Adam’s waist to keep him there, when Adam was now leaning over him with his elbows on either side of his head. He felt electric. Their skin was prickling and he felt every hair on his body stand at attention. Looking down at Ronan, feeling his hands snake up his sides, feeling both their dicks twitch and gradually swell in knowing full well what Ronan was trying to convey.

“This is what you want, Ronan?“ He didn’t say it as if to sound shocked or appalled. Adam wanted to be sure.

Ronan swallowed before raising his head to kiss him. A soft, warm press of lips to which Adam found himself falling into. He brought a hand over to Ronan’s cheek, brushing a thumb against the cheekbone, fingers outlining the shell of his ear. The idea of sex and intimacy used to scare Adam, it was a far-off concept that made him squeasy. He often times felt like a pear, too bruised and rotten and handled too roughly to be desired. But with Ronan it was different. Adam began to feel different. He didn't treat him like a battered broken thing because _he wasn't._

Ronan didn’t have to say that this was how he wanted Adam to love him but he did anyways.

“This is _exactly_ what I want.”

**Author's Note:**

> comments and feedback are totally welcome ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)


End file.
